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Thursday, February 5, 2009
dear mr & mrs bloggie…
Today I come to write a sad entry. One that keeps me crying still.
.:Credits to Ferdie my sailorman:.
…..As soon as I touched down, that was all it took for me to rush back home with much anticipation. Despite my delightful flight from Nagoya, my heart could do nothing else other than to count the minutes before I get to meet him. By no stretch of the imagination would I be anywhere but by his side. Oh Ferdie. For the love of this heart, scoop my insides with a ladle please. It has turned jelly at the mention of his name now…
I showered, I got dressed soon after as I heard him greet my mother there outside my house. The sight of his dressing nearly gagged me but his warm smile tugged this mean heart of mine. I was captured.
We fetched his mother and not before long, we made our way to the airport. Yes, I was there again. This time, the feeling churned my insides into multiple spasms of painful emotions. I do not even care if these words don’t make sense. Fuck. How did I get myself into this, dating yet again a man who was still in the midst of serving the nation?
…..I hate to say goodbye. What was worst, I hate to wave him goodbye. But the deal breaker was the very fact that I feigned a smile to block my tears from flowing. That pain was too much.
I took a breath in. I said my goodbye and waved at him enthusiastically. The last he saw of me was my smile. Ya Allah, thanks for making me strong. I did pass muster. He didn’t need to see a hysterical woman crying her heart’s out but deep inside I was just that.
I was glad his mother talked to me throughout the journey home. It felt nice to know someone dear to Ferdie was there by my side. She was sharing me stories after stories of him and god have mercy, she managed to distract me.
But not for long, alas. Just as I closed the door to my room, the tears couldn’t stop flowing. I cried and cried and cried. I missed him far too much now. Burned in the backs of my teary eyelids was the image of his face, the crinkle of his eyes as he cast me his shy smile. I could think of nothing better.
I didn’t know I was deeply in love with Ferdie. The realization just hit me there and then. This was no more a fictional love story. This one went deeper than what I had anticipated.
Ferdie's Mother
D, should you read this three weeks from now, please know that….
Nevermind. You knew it all along.
I love you Ferdaus. May the animals in the jungle be kind to you.
And Taiwan, be nice to him. He is a good man.
cintafasyalbaLabels: i feel lonely
