dear mr & mrs bloggie…
When girlfriend meets girlfriend, girlfriend wants to bitch to girlfriend.
When girlfriend meets boyfriend, girlfriend wants to whine to boyfriend.
But when girlfriend has tea with mother, girlfriend wants to run away because mother wants to “talk”.
Or so my story goes.
As you all might have guessed by now, my mother, whom I so so adore, has been worrying herself silly with the “current situation” of my sister and I being single. Apparently it’s now a taboo to go solo at our age. Gah.
Much against her will, Mother does not clearly state her disapproval of my dating around but the constant shake of her head and that loud sigh say otherwise. Her “so hari ni siape pulak?” contains much distaste I cannot help but smile my sweet smile at her. No no, smirk I do not. Just reassuring her I have everything under control, it so seems.
Being in that long a relationship has opened my eyes. I must say my gullibility has been a hard lesson, a hard lesson it was. Because I had overcame said weakness, it made me who I am today, if not, stronger. Sadly, I realized it was such a pathetic excuse of a whimsical dream of mine to hope that happy-endings existed. I thought I had me a fairytale. I dreamed a dream. A silly mistake one now knows.
“It takes no time to fall in love. But it takes you years to know what love is.” I couldn’t agree more. Still, is that enough to marry someone?
Forgive my contradiction here; Don’t get me wrong….I am determined, knowing that my faith is strong, that maybe my day would come too. Despite my unwillingness, I do hope I’d get married….. eventually.
However, I do not want to live each day showering myself with questions like “What if” accompanied by “If only”. I do not wish of such thoughts later on in life. Hence, I’m now living life to the fullest. Just so you know I’m no longer seventeen and in that limbo between school and the real world. I am old enough to have serious thoughts about the future and so vital to set it right I must.
I’ve seen and heard about broken marriages enough to know they don’t last unless.... Nevermind. Not my place to talk the talk.
My own parents were divorced initially and even though they buried the hatchet and started afresh, remarrying that was, it was evident the degree my mother had suffered was unbearable. It left a scar on my heart too.
God forbid, I do not want to replay a rendition of such nightmares. So you cannot possibly blame my sister and me for being skeptical over the significance of a marriage, a blissful relationship while at that. We dare not settle down now with this high possibility that we would be stuck with deep regrets. Career is definitely our drive now. And that is that.
This is always the case. Girl falls in love with boy. Girl is happy and has idealistic expectations. Before long, girl is suffocated or betrayed in the end. Or boy does, considering who’s the villain and who’s the victim.
How do you justify love in that manner?
Everyone says HE is the one for me but how can I be sure. How do I know there isn’t another potential candidate out there for me?
I bet my last dollar those who are in love with their partners right now would beg to differ with my cynicism. With all due respect, I was once there too. Ah, agree to disagree, it’s safe to say the contents of my past entries went past cloud nine back when I was truly in love with you-know-who.
I just hope I do not need to clarify myself further on why I’m doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps if you’re in my shoes, you’d understand. For now, I take it I’m a commitment phoebe. Can someone please explain this to my mother? I will be in a serious relationship.
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Just not now.
p/s: I am happy. No shit.
cinta
fasyalba
Labels: i feel right.
