Monday, November 30, 2009
dear mr & mrs bloggie…
I was initially so pumped up to write an entry regarding my recent trip to New York, I could hardly wait. What I had in mind was to post the simple pictures I took in Central Park and the likes, the zoo even. Nine days away was no joke ladies and gentlemen.
But I couldn’t.
Today, I am truly inspired to pen my next entry because of two special people in my life; I’ll just let God be my witness.
As you all might have figured out by now, (look at the calendar, it is already a month) Wil and I decided to stop our dating process, he more than me this time, if you could believe it. But all’s good now, we’re platonic in all senses. Just like the rest? Parse that to a syllable.
On a side note, I have to somehow get rid of the flavour-of-the-month curse. It is about time I stop dating Mr Right Now(s). Fairy Godmother, where the hell are you?! Please return my heart back, at least.
In all seriousness, it is definitely difficult to sustain a relationship when half of your time is spent in another part of the world. But I chose that path all the same so this I had and have to pay. When I signed my soul to the devil, I didn’t see the tiny words (damn you fonts!) of the last sentence of the contract that stated “A soul mate is as good as nada.”
Not to say I am suffering but well, a girl’s a girl after all hey. I need some lovin’ once in a while if you get my meaning.
To digress, shouldn’t I get back to the reason for this entry? (*__*)
So last night, I did some soul-searching. Rather, two kind souls did that for me. I was loosing my edge. I needed help pronto. A revelation was called upon.
My baby Ina…
Where do I start…..? I have never felt so moved in my life until last night, it was indeed heartfelt. I mean it with every word said here. It was a different you I saw but it was the same you I knew since forever. All these times…. the last minute half-day leave, the two-hour sleep, the being-there-for-me-at-two-in-the-morning routine, the ready-to-hand shoulders, the listening ear with a Sampoerna cigarette already stuck in the mouth, the squeaky cheerleader with an arsenal for pom-poms, all those just to accompany me and make it all alright for me and my tiny world. You are the sweetest thing... and then some.
See, I have always known you to be the biggest bitch to everyone but fate didn’t tell me that I might get a spit out of it. When you addressed to my weakness last night, I knew I had to do something about myself. I needed to get that confidence back. It was as if a supernova finally made its appearance. And I must say, after all these years, I finally got a taste of your ferocity and I pity those who received your venom thus far. I never knew you could be that fierce, or is that simply hitherto a hidden feeling you wished to keep from me? For what it was worth, I needed the reality check. And I am grateful that YOU were my messenger. Awak, I promise you, my drinking won’t be a problem any longer. I love you so! But you know that already therefore we’ll end this bit here hey. Kiter sayang awak hokay… Hasn’t this always been our litany? *Giggles giggles*
And then, there’s Mr Nice Guy.
You chose to drive than ride that favorite bike of yours just so you could send my baby Ina and me home. You could’ve continued sleeping at that ungodly hour but you came to the rescue instead. Problem for you was, you had to bare witness all those nights as I was seen wallowing in self-pity. Your straightforward answers never fail to pinch but it hits the spot all the time. You have always been a great friend to my baby and I (to boot, your never ending bickering with Ina amuse me unceasingly) and I have never seen a guy made such an effort without expecting anything in return. If kindness has a name, it has yours written all over. If superhero is real, I believe you are just that guy. And for that, I am truly thankful for your existence, and to allow me to discover the true meaning of friendship.
It’s a shame you don’t read this but the world needs to know, nice guys do exist. One comes in the form of YOU. Much love.
You know the weird part mrs bloggie. I forgot that a total hard-ass bitch lies in me. Maybe a 2006 farah fasyalba would not be impressed seeing me now. I do not know how to say NO and I please people too much. I keep lowering myself because I don’t wanna be seen as cocky. I got confused between humility and low self-esteem. A Buddha on a mountain would shake his head I could just imagine. I felt ashamed for thinking I was worthy of everything that spells the best. Truly, to sum it up, I was not me.
But you know what… this has got to change. From now on, I shall strive to gain that confidence back. Faint heart never won fair lady.
So listen to all here and near. Yes, I am high-maintenance. Yes, I only want nothing but first-class. Yes, I am smart, (sometimes for all the wrong reasons.)Yes, I refuse to settle for second best. Yes, I am the hottest living creature to walk on the face of this planet.
And no, you are not. But honey, live with it.
Coz I am. .
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Fuck, who was I kidding? (-____-)
cinta
fasyalba
p/s: I love you awak.
Labels: i feel grateful.
